Jerry Jones Likens Himself to G.O.A.T of Blood-Sucking Vampires

Jerry Jones

Decades ago, the Dallas Cowboys owner was one of the best pound for pound offensive linemen in Razorback history, helping lead the Hogs to their only national championship in 1964. 

Then, in the 1990s, he put together the greatest NFL franchise of that decade, a three-time Super Bowl winning dynasty coached by his former Arkansas teammate Jimmy Johnson and then former Hogs assistant coach Barry Switzer.

More recently, Jones has emerged as a G.O.A.T. among Razorback boosters after donating $10.65 million for a student-athlete support center and improvements to the football locker room. He’s also hooked up his alma mater with the palatial Cowboys Stadium for a Texas A&M series in Arlington, Texas that will renew in 2021, and produced a family lineage of Razorbacks that includes son, Stephen Jones and grandson, John Stephen Jones (currently a sophomore quarterback at Arkansas).

So it should be no surprise that when choosing a bloodthirsty preternatural being to compare himself to, he’d go for the baddest of all time. 

Today, in an interview with a Dallas area radio station, Jones referenced Dracula when chatting about how exciting game day remains for him:

It’s good Jones is still geeked about the Cowboys’ season heading into tonight’s game against Baltimore where Dallas is a 9-point underdog.

The same can’t be said about many fans of the team. Dallas is 3-8 and has lost five of its last six games. What was supposed to be a bounceback season under first-year head coach Mike McCarthy, who took over for Jason Garrett after a decade of Mike Andersonian swings between mediocrity to never-quite-good enough, has turned into a massive disappointment thanks to ill-timed injuries.

The injury bug has wrecked a team star tailback Ezekial Elliott called “the most talented I’ve been on,” taking out quarterback Dak Prescott, offensive lineman Zack Martin and defensive backs Donovon Wilson and Anthony Brown.

Going into this showdown with favored Baltimore, the Cowboys’ playoff hopes are on life support. 

Another loss might just drive the stake through Dallas’ season for good, leaving Jerry Jones farther than ever from contending for G.O.A.T. status among current NFL team owners. 


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